So, I decided to start blogging here again. I'm not going to worry about who is going to see what anymore. Why? Because honestly, I just don't care. The past few months that I haven't written? Probably the most blog-worthy months of my life.
...where do I even begin?
Well, it all started those few days before my 20th birthday. First my girlfriend broke up with me, then two of my best friends broke up, then I found out that one of said friends - whom I had feelings for for... awhile - liked me back, then the cosplay group threw a surprise party for me, then I found out that the friend that I liked that reciprocated my feelings also had feelings for my ex, *takes a deep breath* aaand all that happened within just a couple weeks.
The next couple months after that were filled with mass amounts of AWKWARD within the group, yet somehow I managed to have the time of my life. People who previously were just friends I saw at school had become some of my closest friends. Not to sound cheesy or anything, but we all made memories to last a life time.
To skip ahead over some of the more depressing parts of the story, the friend - one of the most amazing guys I've ever met - asked me out. Well... if you could call it asking out. Considering all we'd been through to get to that point, it seemed more significant than just "asking out"...
But I digress.
Since we started dating we've had to deal with a lot of drama and interference from other people, but I've been happy, and I'd like to think he has been too.
And there you have it, you're caught up with my life... more or less.
Despite any of the issues we've previously had with one another, most of the group is getting along once again too. Er... except for my ex and I, that is.
It's not that we aren't civil or anything, because we are. I mean, she is one of my boyfriends best friends, I should respect that. It's just... I don't know. I'm not sure which fuels my dislike for her more, my irritation with all the bullshit she pulls, or my jealousy.
Perhaps it's neither. Maybe that nauseated feeling I get whenever she's around is just the pain she caused manifesting. Or it could just be that now that I see her through eyes not blinded by love... I don't like what I see.
Who knows?
Either way, I'm pretty sure what I told her back when we broke up was a lie. I don't think we can be friends again. Not genuine I-care-about-and-trust-you friends at least.
Which is the only kind I want.
