It would seem the more I have to blog about, the less time I have to do it.
In order to not to irritate my Twitter followers, I figured it would be best to rant here, rather than there. Long story short though... I'm pissed. At who, you might ask? Myself, mostly.
Why? Because lately I feel guilty for absolutely no reason. I feel guilty for showing affection toward MY boyfriend in front of someone whom I'm certain would never display the same courtesy toward me - my ex girlfriend and former rival. I'm going out of my way to avoid being in the same place as her, not because I'm still mad at her - which I am - or because I think she's a selfish, lying baby - which I do - because I can handle those things.
I can ignore her and my general frustration with her. What I can't do is pretend I'm not desperately in love with someone when I am. I can't pretend I'm not insanely happy with him when I am. But for some reason I'm obligated to. I don't know who established that, or why I follow it, but I do.
So, now filming for DBP has to be a miserable event for me, because I'll have to hold myself back because of unwarranted guilt. And the cosplay gatherings? Sure, I'd love to hang out with everyone else, but if that means walking on eggshells to protect the emotions of the girl that ripped my heart out and shoved it down a garbage disposal? Forget it.
And that's just one thing. One of MANY things that she's done lately that drives me mad. Don't get me wrong, I've wanted to talk to her, to finally settle things between us. But... I can't. I just can't bring myself to do it. So here I stay, ranting in eternal frustration.
